JemmyWhat do you not like talking about?
Doesn’t have to be about over traumatic-related things, but just in general, things you don’t like talking about. Whether it’ll bum you down, distract you or vice versa.
I don’t like talking about work, my job and how the week went. All it’ll do and has done, is make me dread of upcoming work weeks even during my time off. I hate being asked the typical question “how was your day at work?” any other time. Because the answer is just going to be unsatisfying and I get annoyed even having to answer that question. It’s not that I’m hiding anything, it’s just that it’s fucking work and it is the same damn thing every night. I put up with stupid fucking people, even dumber co-workers and I work in a system that is massively ungrateful for what you do for it.
That’s all you’ll ever need to know about it, so stop trying to get me to talk about that shit.
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Can’t say.
People’s kids, especially toddlers/babies. Like, I’m so sorry but I literally could not give any less fucks. Even those I consider family, I’m like tolerant of but I don’t want to sit and have a whole ass conversation about what your kid did at daycare. Talk to me when they’re older and doing actual cool shit.
Oh god this.
I’m sure parenting a young child feels really isolating. But YOU chose to isolate yourself. I didn’t.
I think one very scary thing to admit is when a mother has this feeling towards their baby. Sometimes, the movie magic just doesn’t hit; and it feels like an annoying, parasitic burden rather than a precious living human.
But to be in any way vocal about it makes one seem like a horrible or evil mother, and could lead to intense ostracization.
As someone with a three and a half year old who goes to daycare, who sometimes does finger-painting, or sings songs, and tells stories about being pushed by this girl named Farron, all I can say is haha I fucking got you, you read about my kids day and now yours is ruined lolololol.
rekt
Even worse is a friend of mine who doesn’t even have kids but tells me all about her multiple sisters’ kids!
Anything “deep” with parents…
“Hey dad did you know that if you go on a space ship and travel very fast then come back to earth, thousands or tens of thousands of years could pass on earth and it only feels like a few hours on the spaceship”
Dad: “Oh really? Cooool” sounds disinterested af and continues scrolling wechat
“Hey mom did you know that scientists detected that a brain has activity before the person makes a decision? Maybe we don’t have free will and the universe is deterministic!”
Mom: “Of course we have free will! Why are you overthinking everything? 日日諗埋諗埋啲咁嘅嘢，一味鑽牛角尖 (not sure how to translate this part, something like ‘Everyday you keep thinking these weird thoughts, keep going down a rabbit hole’)”
Also I can’t really mention suicide… or I’m “ungreatful for everything they’ve done for me”
Also politics:
“Why are you so worried about big things, just focus on yourself”
“If the government comes knocking and arrest you, then it’s your fault, just don’t drag us down with you” (aka: just don’t dissent)
I’m convinced the methodology on that decision study is flawed. Decision making isn’t an instantaneous process, it takes time for the mind to settle on an option. That neurological ramping up is the decision making.
This just in: New evidence suggests some people think before making a decision? We’ll tell you what this means for your weekend at 11.
Now what I want to see is if M1 neurons begin to show increased activity before someone thinks about getting up to go pee, but decides to hold it in. Because if so, it’s pretty clear that the decision making process simply involves motor neurons readying themselves in case they’re needed. But if they don’t, then it means the motor cortex is contributing to the decision making process, and that’s an actually informative result.
Well, now I’m curious as well. If I only kind of have to pee, like I just noticed it, it feels entirely voluntary to hold it, but if I really have to pee, it does feel like one one part of my brain is sending “pee now” signals that another part of my brain, the conscious decision-making part, has to fight against, which makes me think they have to get involved in the decision somehow. Maybe that physical motor control fight just is how those two parts of the brain mediate each other. Neat.
And what we’re doing right now is good science. We’re operationalising our variables and making testable predictions, deciding what the possible results could mean before we conduct the experiment and see them.
Saying “Neuron activity before a decision is made disproves free will” is bad science, because “free will” is being implicitly operationalised in a very opinionated way, and it’s not exactly clear what the experimenter thinks a null hypothesis result would look like.
I don’t think neuroscience can tell us whether free will exists, because “free will” is too difficult to operationalise in a way everyone would agree with. For example, many people think if our actions are predetermined based on our environment, it means no free will. But I think if our actions are random, that’s not free will, and predetermined actions would make Me feel much freer. I want to know that My mind behaves consistently, that makes Me feel in control. Many disagree. This disagreement can’t be resolved with science.
Oddly culturally specific 😅 I love the perspective! ❤️
My problems. It’s not that I’m the strong, stoic type - because I’m not. But talking about them makes me feel sad all over again.
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Religion. I have my own views and I’m not interested in talking to most about it.
We don’t talk about Bruno.
Silencio Bruno!
Something along the lines of “she heard that he said when they were somewhere and then like she said that he thought that she said that they shouldn’t say what he said when she thought they wouldn’t anyway.”
…I detest hearing about what other people did/said. I live in a tiny town and I absolutely refuse to take part in gossip. I will not spread it, and neither will I hear it.
I’ll offer a defense of gossip. I think it’s important to be able to discuss people, especially people with authority, without those people being able to dictate the rules of the conversation. If certain topics are taboo unless the conversations are had with all parties, it gives people with power a lot of influence over how the conversation happens and if it happens at all. Gossip is how unions are started, how abusive preachers are ousted (sometimes), how people learn about and get the help they need, help that the authorities in their lives have decided, for whatever reason, they can’t have.
I also think it’s a venue for misinformation and I have my own beliefs about which conversations are better had if they include everybody (or me), but I don’t think it’s for me or anyone to just declare certain conversations or topics off limits.
I personally think the issue comes up when people say things behind each other’s backs that they wouldn’t dare say to their face. In my previous workplace there were a few people who always talked shit about our boss when he wasn’t around, but the second he showed up they’d act like everything was fine and they were best buddies.
The problem isn’t that the criticism was never valid - it’s that they showed me I can’t trust them to be genuine around me. They thought they’re damaging the reputation of my boss but it’s their own reputation that took the biggest hit.
In my experience, people who live with people who use information for abuse learn to protect information as a first course of action, because it’s hard to predict what information might be dangerous to share. In extreme cases, the only safe opinion to express is that of whoever’s in charge. It can be hard to tell what information can be safely expressed, which I think can make people quick to flatter or agree if they don’t feel safe. It may be that you feel safe to express thoughts about the boss to their face, but they didn’t. It’s a cultural divide I’ve seen both sides of. I’ve worked with people who clearly did not feel comfortable criticizing me even after I encouraged honesty, because they had had bosses before who had said the same thing and abused the privilege of trust. I have also worked with people I did not trust with certain information and I withheld it, even after discussing the matter with peers. I think the things said in confidence can sometimes be harmful and deserve to be rebutted the same as when they’re said in public, but the existence of those things doesn’t make confidential conversation per se bad.
When someone starts to gossip they’re basically just letting you know that they’re the kind of person you shouldn’t share any sensitive personal information with. I never quite figured out how these people can be so oblivious to it though. If someone talks shit of other people to me then I assume they talk shit of me to other people as well.
I kinda feel that way about like people just asking me how things are going because it feels like I have not been able to give a decent answer for long periods one of which I am in now. I will say I don’t talk much about the environment anymore simply because we are so far down the unstoppable decline and partially because the effects are hitting our present day so much that the effects are basically day to day and much of the reason things are like they are now. We are a finite snake eating its tail.
I don’t like talking about anything if I don’t get a reflective silence now and then. Some people just talk and talk to hear themselves talk and never take the time to let the words sink in or just plain cook before spitting them out.
am currently forced via circumstance to live with a person like this…motherfucker never shuts up or says anything of consequence.
just constant soap opera bullshit, former rich-person who probably watched too much tv growing up now down on their luck.
always going on about how X person he ran into that day was an asshole for some arbitrary social slight (when that person was probably just someone working, who wanted this talker to leave em the fuck alone)
The future, and how everything sucks now compared to the past, and how much worse it will get
Because all of that is true 😔 I’d rather stay in my “living in 2003” bubble. I’ll go out to vote and then come back to hide again.
I’m exaggerating as I tend to do. But there aren’t any discussions of the future that don’t leave me depressed
As someone who moved from the US to Canada, where I come from. I was born in a Latin American country and speak fluent Spanish so I introduce myself with that first and foremost out of spite
It is so fucking tempting to ask every single person in this thread to elaborate lol
Yeah, can you please do that? It’s too many lol
I can’t think of a subject that I categorically dislike talking about. My dislike for conversation usually has more to do with the attitudes of the people I’m having the conversations with. Conversation requires at least a minimal agreement to take what your conversational partner says into account, otherwise it’s more of a lecture. Lots of arguments are people who have already convinced themselves of their rightness lecturing at each other, and it tends to be a repetitive recycling of old points and counterpoints. Pretty boring, rhetorically.
It can be useful to deliver a lecture, especially if it’s invited. That’s basically what venting is. I grew up being taught that if I didn’t have anything constructive to say I should just keep it to myself, and that’s still a position I find myself defaulting to, but it can be helpful to try to frame the petty grievances of daily life into words, especially if you have a sympathetic and willing audience. I don’t have a specific example to share that doesn’t reveal too much about my personal life, but I’ll just say that the insights that come from venting were surprising. I think the act of putting thoughts into words can make it easier to think about those thoughts.
For example, I don’t think I’d ever considered venting as a form of verbal journaling, but that’s kind of what it is. At least, there are some interesting similarities. I don’t know if that would have occurred to me that way if I hadn’t written my thoughts on the matter out.
Work or myself. The second someone tries to make a conversation about either, I just shut down and give 1 or 2 word answers. I find work incredibly boring and I don’t have anything interesting going on in my life.
You got any hobbies?
vibecoding/ai bs
I hate the word “vibecoding.”
same. maybe i should have added quotation marks lol
Oh it wasn’t aimed at you. I understand that you were using the term demonstratively.
That’s what the fanboys use. It’s “slopping” for the rest of us.
Any personal project I’m doing. Talking about it seems to give enough satisfaction to keep me away from continuing it later.
Trans stuff. I really have no strong opinions on gender and it doesn’t interest me in the slightest. Whenever I have discussed it when asked directly I just become aware of my own ignorance. I don’t want to upset or hurt anyone and don’t feel engaged enough to dig much beyond a basic sort of live and let live philosophy.
My blood family. Its just always the same and it frustrates me only thinking about them, their actions, their thinking, their behaviours. Calling them snakes and sociopaths is insulting to snakes!!
People. I do find things like group psychology interesting but discussing individuals is mind-numbingly uninteresting. Especially celebrity gossip but political figures are a close second.
the most i bother with celebrity stuff is lamenting when another actor/actress fucks their face/body up with bad plastic surgery.
they (they being our general society/entertainment industry, which is mostly designed around exploiting insecurities it seems) got to jim carey recently…rip
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My job. It’s dull and I do the least amount of work possible. It makes people jealous or think I’m lazy. I just don’t care.
My work.
Unless it’s about soulslikes, I don’t wanna talk about it.
That’s none of your business.
Work. I always felt kinda bad that I had a fun job and people always wanted to hear my work stories. Then it’s their turn and they’re like I crunched some numbers and printed some papers. I couldn’t care less. There’s an imbalance there we’re I have to carry a convo and almost immediately stop caring when it’s flipped to them.
Before you ask, sports broadcasting.
I do not need to know your money situation and you do not need to know mine. You ain’t my family. Even then I don’t care. Keep that shit to yourself.
I’ve been vegan for nearly ten years, I dread any time the topic comes up with people who aren’t also vegan.
It usually becomes a pointless debate where I either have to heavily self-censor, or end up hurting the feelings of people who eat animal products. It’s always the same conversations I’ve already had hundreds of times, no one’s gonna change my mind and I probably won’t change theirs either.
It’s kind of unfortunate because I always want to ask details with what I believe is an open mind. However people are naturally cautious against going there.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not interested in going vegan but as an omnivore I can appreciate any source of good food and sometimes choose vegan ones. And as someone who wants to entertain, I want to be able to provide good choices for you to enjoy
Now if only I can figure out vegan meals that would do well in my smoker!
If you go about it with curiosity, especially if you focus on recipes instead of ethics, you’re probably good. Sharing food is such a big social thing that you get a bit ostracized from when you’re vegan, so it truly is nice to share recipes with earnest people like you seem to be.
I’ve never used a smoker so I’m not quite familiar with the process, but my first instinct would be trying something with seitan. I did find some recipes with just a quick search.
If you do smoke some seitan, feel free to invite me, I’ll bring drinks! :P
I’ll look into that …
A smoker is essentially cooking for a long time at lower temperatures while infusing flavor from selected wood. It works well with certain meats that match the wood flavors well, and especially tougher cuts where the long cooking time tenderizes.
Other things that have worked well include - Mac and cheese (vegetarian) - Apple pie (could easily be vegan) - baked beans (could easily be vegan) - corn, both on cob and in casserole - some fruits like pineapple - avocados worked well because of the lower temperatures compared to a grill, but I don’t think it picked up the smoke
Vegetables generally don’t, because they don’t pick up any flavor. For roasted peppers especially, it doesn’t get hot enough to blacken the skins well. Halloumi didn’t do well but maybe I don’t know how to cook that
I really want to build on the baked beans - I bet similar stew type things work well, like lentils - and the pie
Jackfruit is a great pulled pork substitute, haven’t tried smoking it yet though
Huh, never tried it
Are there different forms or something I should look for? I’ve only noticed it in a small can in the Asian section of my grocery
I get pretty big cans at Trader Joe’s if you have one of those close by. I haven’t looked for it in a while though, so no clue if they still carry it.
I’ll take a look, thanks
🙏
I’ve never made anyone become vegan, but a lot of my friends have definitely opened up to incorporating more vegetarian or vegan meals into their diets, which I do count as a small win.
A friend who used to be very much the meat & potatoes type has recently been texting me excitedly about the new vegan recipes he’s been trying out. He still regularly eats meat, but hey, it’s something.
Politics.
Not interested in the slightest.
Religion, spirituality, and the afterlife. They’re all really fucking stupid made-up nonsense and are an absolute waste of time and thought. May as well try to imagine a new color.
The new color would be a more productive pursuit.
At least we do actually know that there are more colors than what we see. There is more substance to that train of that.
The past and future. The present is hit and miss.
Retirement portfolios / stock market and also PC motherboard / CPU / ram combos. These both seem learnable but they are both totally opaque to me. I just glaze over when those topics come up.
Myself
Interactive performance art, and D&D, probably for the same reasons. It’s fine if it’s your cup of tea, but I find them to be incredibly annoying. I don’t want to participate in either of those worlds in any way. Oddly I love many videogames RPG’s and can get behind a well written play. I just find there aforementioned extremes to be entirely tedious and grating.
Magic the Gathering, other TCGs and board games.
I can have fun while playing them, but that’s mostly for the social aspect of it. I don’t really care to discuss it outside of actually playing. Maybe it’s because my friend group is full of people who do want to discuss it and I’m just… Not that interested.
/shrug
I’m sick of listening to people complain about their lives. They hate their jobs, they hate their spouses, they hate their friends. They are unfulfilled and unhappy and IF ONLY THEY WERE RICH everything would be magically wonderful. The past few years, now everyone talks about how ’oppressed’ they are because of their identity too. I’ve met so many single women doctors who just go on for an hour about how ’oppressed’ they are because they only make $480K/yr instead of the 500K their married male colleague does… and how if only they made more they’d never have to fly coach again! Or how expensive and awful their kids private education is, or how their wife prevents them from buying that Raptor truck they really want, because some overpriced performance vehicle will magically fix their shitty lifestyle habits and social relationships…
Oh, and as a single white guy, they love to lecture me on how amazing and awesome and rich and perfect my life must be. Because apparently I have ’no responsibilities lots of free time and money and freedom and can fuck whomever i want whenever i want’. Right…
Do they ever ask me how my life is? No, of course not. I’m just a placeholder for their weird escapist fantasy they have because they hate their own lives so much. And if I start mentioning any basic facts about my life, they think I’m whining or ‘bitter’ or something because my life is and was far less privileged than theirs.
This is like 90% of my dates, and other casual social interactions with new people. 10 years ago it wasn’t like this. People used to ask me questions and interact with me… now they just lecture me about how their life is terrible and mine is better than theirs and I’m a jerk because of it. I miss talking to people about books, or movies, or hobbies.
Hence I really have stopped going out and interacting with people like I used to. At least with my existing friends I can tell them about events in my life that are good or bad without them acting like I’m an asshole. The last date I went on I told my date about the book I was reading and she looked at me like I was a jerk and then immediately started complaining about how her ex read books and was a douchebag and she doesn’t like douchy people who read a lot…
I feel like people no longer interact generally. I notice even when I’m out and hearing other people’s conversations they sort or talk at each other in quips rather than actually acknowledge or exchange anything substantial. It’s been years since I’ve had like an actual conversation with a stranger that showed genuine interest.
the idiot complained…
ime, you got to do a bit of pre-filtering for common interests and shit, before deciding to socialize with people.
to me it sounds like your going to some upper-class urban bars (or going dating events…which imo are even worse than meeting people out in the wild) and naturally run into unawares people stuck in the capitalist rat-race, who you can’t relate to. could try going to smaller punk dive bars, or some kind of themed party-type bar.
or better yet to go to some less “mainstream” hobby-event, whatever that interest might be, atleast there you will have atleast 1 guaranteed interest to relate over that isnt just complaining about how much your life sucks (which seems to be a common thing at bars)
That’s every bar. Every hobby group. There are no people here who aren’t upper class.
Technically I am upper class too. I just wasn’t born into it, so I’m not a whiny bitch about my life. I think it’s great. I don’t think my life is a tragedy because I don’t own two vacation homes and a yacht.
I hate punks. Here they are all whiny entitled rich trust fund kids who think you’re a douche for having to work a job that pays a living wage while they cosplay as poor waiting for their trust funds to mature. They also love to lecture you about anarchism and how you are oppressed because you don’t have tattoos and piercings. I also hate punk music, it’s boring and whiny.
when it comes to bars, the best ones ime only open once a week or less (especially punk live music bars). a local dive bar that only opens once or twice a month will attract different crowd than some daily bar.
far as your “demographic” goes…where are you at if you don’t mind me asking? there’s always an underbelly of working stiffs in any area, rich people don’t clean their own toilets or prepare their own food…somebody in the area has to be working to maintain/service everything
dude none of that exists where i live. there are no dive bars. sounds like you live in some rustbelt place where rent is dirt cheap.
the working stiffs don’t live here. they commute to here from 2 hours away. they can’t afford the housing prices. they also think i’m a douchebag because I can afford the housing prices and I go to fancy douche bars. the bartenders and waitstaff all commute in from places 2 hours away. my dog walker commutes in from 2 hours away, etc.
and i’m not going to move 2 hours away. I love my job and I love being 15m from my office.
chicago
i’ve been there several times. i can buy a 6000sq ft mansion there with what i pay for a 2bed 600sq condo here.