Dad Jokes

I just updated the sidebar. As a rule of thumb, if you cannot tell this joke to a 5-year-old, you should probably post it to the new community !unclejokes@lemmy.world

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An old farmer was hauling a load of manure when he was stopped by a highway patrol officer who says, "You were speeding and I'm going to give you a ticket."

A lollygagger.

That would be a big step forward

I told her I ate all the candy. Maybe I'm doing it wrong?

What a kind jester. 🤡

He's a pet peeve

Because they are alloys

They are, after all, what they are.

Sadly, no pun in ten did.

Saint Nickel-less.

Because they don’t have the guts!

The cina-minimum.

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

AnswerNone. There are no W's in "all".

Lady Ba Ba

You’ll always find yourself Bargaining.

A panthem

The meetings are just too full of buzzwords.

A monk once got locked out of the monastery.

So I went in as Batman.

Alfalfabetically.

A blast from the past.

When you're reading a dictionary.

I can't explain it, but they just have a certain *chien ne sais quoi*

The Pastor of Muppets is coming your way!

This may result in remote cod execution.

Pil-grams!

"Man that's wild!"

"But you ARE a lawyer."

A pouch potato

Turns out it was just some sham poo

A lighthouse

Leopardy!

Because proper tea is theft!

It had a kaleidoscope

Guilty of resisting a-rest.

He was immediately disqualified.

It’s impossible to put down

Huge waist.

It's sweeping the nation.

A labra-cadabra-dor.

but then it grew on me.

A teacher says, "Spit out your gum." A train says, "Chew, chew, chew."

If it floats, buoyant.

Then it struck me.

Jesuszilla.

I saw it in the zoo a few years back.

LMNOP

I told him it was a waist of time.

But it never took off

You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel.

The evening mews.

Fsh

Atoms make up everything.

An Organist

… and American when you come out, what are you while you're in the bathroom?

BooBees

They use sheet music.

They moved in different circles.

No one knows the cure.

It's okay, though. Pride goeth before the fall.

Because they don't have windows.

No? Well, keep an eye out for a Poof Daddy show in your town

She whispered, "they're right behind you."

Who's there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the bath tub I'm dwouning!

Now I can't find him

I said, "who, Ra?"